Good Men Empower Women

For the last few months, I’ve been alternating my wedding band from my left hand to my right hand. I’ll put it on my right hand for a while and forget about it and then without thinking, I’ll slip it back on my left ring finger and eventually notice it’s there. It’s definitely the most comfortable there. It fits nicely into the grove that has been worn into that finger for 27 years. There’s an indentation there that I thought would never disappear, but it’s slowly fading as the ring spends more time on the right side.

When Mike and I picked out my first engagement ring and wedding band we weren’t preparing for a long engagement filled with elaborate wedding plans. We were getting ready to board a flight to Los Angeles for an elopement …  a “shotgun” wedding. It was a quick decision and the rings were just a necessity. We were young (I was only 19) and had a small budget, so I just settled for a nice set … not my dream engagement ring. On our tenth wedding anniversary, I decided I had out grown the set, not physically but I was older and my little diamond looked a little out of place on my more mature finger. I didn’t pine for a bigger diamond, I told Mike I didn’t need a diamond at all. We put the “two months salary” (or whatever the jewelry store commercials suggest you spend) towards bills and groceries (like always) and I just got a band. A lovely gold band, simple and pretty with a faint swirly design etched on it. At twenty plus years of marriage, I was wearing more silver jewelry and was casually looking for a silver, or preferably white gold ring. I wanted something with a heart on it (I’ve got a thing for hearts). Sure enough, at one of those kiosks, while at the Toronto airport (after spending time there with Mike’s family) on our travels to Bulgaria (for Mike’s stem cell treatment), I found exactly what I had in mind, at the cost of $18.99, and I’ve been wearing it with pride ever since.

Just before Christmas, I taught a type of fitness class I had never taught before: a Barre class (pronounced “bar”). It’s a blend of Pilates, ballet and strength moves. I’ve had the Pilates and strength moves down pat for years, but the ballet was something new. I attended a workshop and a few classes before I taught Barre and I fell in love with it right away.

(This does have something to do with my wedding ring, so please keep reading)

During that first class I attended, there was a moment in particular that caught me off guard and it had nothing to do with grand plies or arabesques. When the instructor asked us to position ourselves in front of the mirror and to place our hands on the bar, I lost sight of everything except the assembly line of diamond rings. Every left hand on that bar had a glow, not every one was a diamond but every ring finger was taken. It was like a special wives club, meeting at the bar … the ballet bar that is and I felt a little like an imposter.

I watched in slow-motion-like every time all the lovely hands returned to the bar. All those hardworking, hard loving, wonderful, wife hands, coming together into place to give thanks, to praise, to escape, to run away or whatever, at the end of a long day.

There were definitely times over the years that I wanted out of the “club”. Who doesn’t want out on occasion? But for the most part, I was a happy member. Here’s the bigger picture: for more than half my life, I was a wife and that’s who I was. So not to be one all of a sudden, was bizarre.

Funny thing is that in so many ways Mike prepared me well to be single. He taught me to always look on the bright side (I try). He taught me to laugh a lot and to laugh at myself, to not be too serious. He encouraged me to go after my dreams, to not be afraid to fall on my face … that it’s okay to make mistakes. When I worried, he would say, “Have you prayed?”, or he would remind me that our children were safe and well so nothing else really mattered. He knew my strengths and helped me become stronger. He knew my weaknesses and was never critical. He knew my greatest “love” was Jesus and guided me back to Him when I went my own way. Mike gently led and directed me to be independent (but dependant on God) and strong – to be the very best “me” I could be. He empowered me!

This “new club” is not so bad. I’m feeling more and more comfortable here. That’s what I say as I move my wedding band to my right hand.

PS – I’ve been encouraged, well directed, loved and empowered by a wonderful man my whole life: my dad. My dad and mom are my biggest cheerleaders and have been a constant source of support, love and prayer. Thanks dad and mom! And thank you to all the men out there who empower the women in their lives – daughters, sisters, friends and wives… We thank you!

Good men help make the women in their lives the best they can be.

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Happy Birthday to my dad! (Mar 30) You make “78” look great! Keep up the excellent work!

I’ll be at Whitby’s Book store in White Rock on Sat April 2 with two other authors to discuss our books and our thoughts and beliefs on Spirituality. It’s short notice, but local friends, if you are in the area, please come by. Here is the info: Whitby’s Author Event – Trust the Mystery of love and Spirituality

And of course the link to my book: Hold On, Let Go – Facing ALS With Courage and Hope

8 thoughts on “Good Men Empower Women

  1. Hi Nadine ….. as always when I read your blog or re-read a chapter of your book, I end up with a tear in my eye but wonderful joy in my heart in celebration of the fantastically wonderful woman you are. I really hope you understand the positive impact you have on so many of us as you share your love of Mike and of Jesus. Please keep doing good things!

    Love you tons,
    Uncle Larry

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  2. It was the type of guy that Mike was. Always calm, even in panic situations. Remember when you were selling your house and he told me there were tanks under the property that affected the sale of the home. I was worried about the incredible environmental and financial cost of removing them to sell the home but he stayed calm and cool. He always just took life as it came to him as he did with his illness. He accepted his fate without burdening anyone. Life around him carried on because that’s the way he wanted it. Incredible for someone to never complain, demand, depress or burden anyone being in that condition. But that was Mike.

    P.S. In the end, the tanks were removed from the property. I quizzed him all about the process, but he said to me he simply told the company “Tanks” (for doing it).

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    1. Thank you for sharing Aileen, your words are perfect: “He accepted his fate without burdening anyone. Life around him carried on because that’s the way he wanted it.” I’ll probably quote this in my writing sometime if that’s okay. He adored you and Pat for the sacrifices you and your husbands made so you could come on a regular basis to help take care of him (and me). That meant the world to him (and me)! You girls were the best sisters a guy could have.

      He was your little brother and your love for him is unlike any other. xo Thanks again for sharing!

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  3. Hi Nadine, I have also lost my husband, 3 years ago to brain cancer and just like you I sat back and watched as a very strong man deteriorated to nothing…..one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do. I still wear my wedding ring, but on my thumb of my left hand. When I chose to move forward with my life I knew I could never stop wearing it and it feels just right there. I used to wear my husbands wedding ring on that hand as he never wore it but I lost it about 2 months before he passed away and I was devestated. Now my wedding ring is worn where his once was. It’s quite comforting 🙂
    Do whatever feels right for you.

    Take care

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    1. Thanks for sharing Louise and I’m so sorry for your loss. Mike never wore his wedding ring either. His mum had it for years it and it was returned to me after she died last summer. She kept it in a little red velvet bag (when she wasn’t wearing it). I have it in a drawer in the same little red velvet bad. I love the idea of wearing your wedding band on your thumb (mine would never fit on my big thumb haha). Anyway, thanks so much for your message and you take care as well.

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